Unsung Heroines

In a world where beauty is rewarded in upscale pageants and televised viewer voting spectaculars, an honest working girl can feel like she's getting the shaft.

Atlantic City Cocktail Waitress Crowned In Mistress USA Pageant

Lacey Lauderdale, a 25-year-old cocktail waitress at the Showboat Casino & Hotel in Atlantic City, was named the winner of the 2008 Mistress USA Pageant, a competition held each year since 1954 to honor the country's most beautiful and talented other women.

The clandestine pageant took place Sunday evening in a New Jersey motel room off Exit 23, shortly after the nation's males told their wives they were going out bowling with some friends.

Skidoo!

Death & Taxes:NSFW

This has turned into a pretty serious fucking day.

Did taxes. With my wife as a full time student leaving me as the primary wage earner who doesn't make much, the damage didn't hurt as bad as it had in the past. No matter. Taxes suck. Take it from those who've got it. If people had voted for me and my voluntary tax plan...

Went through a stack of paper work that resulted from our company getting purchased last year. New insurance, new investments. I started to fill out my life insurance beneficiary form and had to stop. Primary beneficiary: spouse. No worries there. What about secondary? Say the two of us die when we fall onto the railroad tracks while stumbling home from the pub some evening. Who gets the insurance money and gets stuck making the (cheap) funeral arrangements? I will almost certainly out live my parents and most likely my sister as well. No kids to take care of it. No nieces or nephews either. Shit. Maybe one of my friends' kids? I set it aside to ponder later. I had never thought about it before and hadn't planned on thinking about it today.

But the big serious fuck all event of the day came with the mail. A Valentine's Day present for Jake and Krys from her aunt. Just looking at the package I knew there was some serious fucking shit inside. Ripping it open with my pocket knife the horrible nightmare scenario manifested. 23 Minutes in Hell along with a card wishing us a happy Valentine's Day and urging us to consider our immortal souls.

God Fucking Damn It! I grew up with a Christian mom who dragged me to church at least twice a week. My grandfather spent several years of his retirement as church janitor where I would spend every fucking day of my early childhood not spent in school at the church while my parents went to work. I used to fucking read the Bible during breaks in elementary school. I've spent way too much time around Christians and spending eternity with them sounds like the number one reason to sell my soul to Satan. Bargain basement pricing! Very motivated seller.

I live a pretty decent life. I don't deliberately fuck people over. I don't pick fights. Never stabbed anyone. Never shot anyone. Never slept with anyone's spouse without permission. I smile a lot, try to treat people in a friendly way a good percentage of the time. I say I hate kids and then let them play with my toy tractors (kept in a crate with a bunch of knives and a stack of Playboys) when they come over. All in all people consider me a decent guy. Either that or everyone refuses to say otherwise out of fear. I just don't know.

So if my wife's aunt's god desires to see me tormented for all eternity for not accepting his bastard* easy riding** son of a whore*** half breed as my LORD**** and savior while a lying, cheating, stealing, warmongering, hateful piece of shit like George W. Bush receives forgiveness as a Christian, then I will take the lash to the back and the branding iron up the ass for all eternity just to not have to hang around some smug jack ass of a mafia don deity who pretends to 'Love Everyone'.

For you Christians who have a more enlightened view and think that I will get into heaven, I'd say 'over my dead body' but...

So instead I say, pass.

*Born and raised in the absence of his father. Bastard.
**Easy rider refers to the boyfriend of a whore. Not her pimp, just the guy who gets the easy ride.
***His mom wasn't technically a whore but under the laws of that time she would have been classified as such.
****The LORD bullshit really gets to me. Hierarchy. Slavery. I kneel before no man or god. The good ones will get a hearty hand shake or a big hug. I have no need for a master. YesSir. NoSir. CanIHaveAnotherSir? If Jesus sucks my cock like a pro I might yell out, "OH LORD!" or "OH GOD!" Everybody sing along! ComeInMyEye My Lord, ComeInMyEye. Oh Lord, ComeInMyEye.

Indians vs. Pirates: 23

Just a couple of my favorite things.

Indian navy 'captures 23 pirates'

The Indian navy says it has arrested 23 Somali and Yemeni pirates who tried to storm a ship in the Gulf of Aden.

23 pirates.

That is all.

Some Sirius Stuff

Here is the radio interview where Dr. Mitchell made this announcement on Kerrang Radio 23. Coincidentally, the interview was help on the 35th anniversary of the date that Robert Anton Wilson purportedly received a message from an alien entity. This happened to coincide with Dr. Timothy Leary, who was in solitary confinement in a maximum security prison, also receiving a message from the planet Sirius. The date is part of the 'Dog Days' of summer, traditionally the hottest part of the summer and the time when you can see the star Sirius, the Dog Star (and second brightest star viewable from Earth (the first being our Sun)), rising at Dawn.



There are other interviews with Mitchell as well as his fellow astronaut Gordon Cooper. All can be found in the article at Best Syndication.

Luck O' the Irish, HAIL ERIS!

Due to the posting here, just hours before now...I'll post something real quick in lieu of working on my paper...

But so Jake can have his rant and eat it too...

My professor and I (as her ever loverly assistant) won the Leslie O. Fulton Grant last night.

Unfortunately, I do not have time to go into the chaotic, gory details of how this came about and the superstitious nature of the days leading up to the awards ceremony last night involving purple diamonds, red ale, yellow moons, etc.

But the end result is a paid trip to Ireland and 3-4 weeks of research and writing at the Tyrone Guthrie Centre.

Oh, and a few nights in Dublin for ethnographic studies involving copious amounts of Guinness.

Rant on about the !@$%^#$%&*s Jake!

Oh and.. we'll be here Saturday night celebrating...

What do Obama and Nixon have in common?

One could say that they both spied on themselves.

Chief of firm involved in breach is Obama adviser

The CEO of a company whose employee is accused of improperly looking at the passport files of presidential candidates is a consultant to the Barack Obama campaign, a source said Saturday.

But maybe Obama wasn't spying on himself or other candidates. Doesn't matter to me. I spy on myself all the time. (And I must admit that I am shocked by some of my behavior. I am a quite naughty boy.)

What really matters is...

John O. Brennan, president and CEO of the Analysis Corp.... contributed $2,300 to the Obama campaign in January.

23 Hundred! 23!

The Local Fire Department Is In On It

While out for a stroll through the neighborhood I passed by the local fire department. This is what I saw.

It's just a coincidance.

23 Skidoo

A new poster has been put up around my workplace. Don't worry about what the poster says. The part of interest is the number at the top of it. There were no posters in this series with other numbers on them ranging from 1-22 or otherwise. In fact I can only recall one other poster pertaining to this topic ever being put up at work and it had no number on it at all. So why does this one have a 23 at the top of it?

The End of Media

No TV or Radio for the next two months. I've already heard the first advertisement for a Christmas sale.

And this image I found was 23.jpg!

Bainbridge Island Signage

I was over at Jake's campaign blog (Vote Jake!) reading the post about the City in Germany that got rid of all it's stop signs and traffic lights to force people to be nice. It made me want to share this sign I saw on Bainbridge Island a few weeks back.

P.S.: If I ever drive that way again, I'll have to take a picture of their Masonic sign, so I can post it here. At the edge of town (Not sure if it was Poulsbo, Bremerton, Bainbridge or some other town) there's this sign that shows you all the fraternal orders there. Moose, Elks, Waterbuffalos, Fraternal Order of Police, CIA, Homeland Insecurity, Masons, Illuminati, Gnomes, Rosicrucians, Headhunters, Reptilian Aliens, FreeMasons, CheapMasons, ExpensiveMasons, Priceless-Monet-Original-Masons, Dali-Mass-Produced-Print-Knock-Off-Masons. You name it, they got at least two lodges of it. And they put them out on a huge sign at the edge of town so know you're in the heart of the Conspiracy.

Cracked me up a week later when I saw that episode of Alias with the throw-away comment about the safehouse on Bainbridge Island.


P.P.S.: This came up on my google search for the sign online. I'd never seen a horse in a wheelchair before. Poor horsey.

Tale of Outlaw Racing

For fans of Cannonball Run and the Gumball 3000.

The maneuver, he said, enabled him to break a 23-year-old illegal endurance-driving record by navigating from New York to Los Angeles in 31 hours 4 minutes. He said he recorded an average speed of 90.1 m.p.h. over a mapped route of 2,794 miles.

These and other moving violations are described in his memoir, which was released yesterday by HarperCollins. The book, “The Driver: My Dangerous Pursuit of Speed and Truth in the Outlaw Racing World,” describes a subculture of illegal endurance racing and efforts to break transcontinental records set in the 1970s and ’80s.

“If people want to try it, the roads are open,” Yates said.

While I've never done anything like this, I have to admit that outlaw racing is a blast. Go out and try it sometime.

Pope Benedict names 23 cardinals

Yes he named all 23 of them. He named one Winky, and one Blinky, and one Doc...

Cardinals, the red-hated 'princes' of the Church, are the Pope's closest aides.

I'm not absolutely certain, but shouldn't that be red-hatted?

I love accidental accuracy in reporting.

Burning Man Comes Early This Year

While fires raging across Greece have killed over 60 people thus far (all Greeks from what I hear), The New York Times has informed me that a 40 foot Nevada native was burned half to death four days earlier than scheduled.

One of them, Kyle Marx of Eugene, Ore., told The San Francisco Chronicle that the reaction was oddly mixed. “Some people were chanting, ‘Let him burn, let him burn!’ and some were chanting, ‘Save the man, save the man!,’” he said.

A snarky comment from Valleywag seemed apt: “You never saw so many hippies so conflicted.”

Word is they still plan on burning him at the end of the event unless the Governor grants a full pardon for whatever it is this giant man did. Probably crushed a city or tried to get out of his drunken Las Vegas marriage to Allison Hayes.

For those interested in such things, he burned for 23 minutes.