Hitler's New Master Race

We all know that Hitler didn't die in Germany, instead escaping to Argentina. Common knowledge. You didn't know that? Oh yeah. It's all but proven.

Once there, he realized his dream of a master race was a bit misguided. Humans are too fucking weird and unpredictable. So he began working on a new master race to take over the world.

BBC - Earth News - Ant mega-colony takes over world

Argentine ants living in vast numbers across Europe, the US and Japan belong to the same inter-related colony, and will refuse to fight one another.

The colony may be the largest of its type ever known for any insect species, and could rival humans in the scale of its world domination...

While ants are usually highly territorial, those living within each super-colony are tolerant of one another, even if they live tens or hundreds of kilometres apart. Each super-colony, however, was thought to be quite distinct.

But it now appears that billions of Argentine ants around the world all actually belong to one single global mega-colony.

One world government. One master race. A new world order. Hell, even world peace. The ants beat us to it.

Cheap Chinese Junk

Most folks know that China instituted a 'single child' law to combat over-population. Couples in rural areas are allowed two. Having more than that results in a fine of about $3000.

But what happens when you can't pay the fine?

China babies 'sold for adoption'

Nearly 80 baby girls in a county in Guizhou province, in the south of the country, were confiscated from their families when their parents could not or would not pay the fine, Southern Metropolis News said.

The girls were taken into orphanages and then adopted by couples from the United States and a number of European countries.

As I have learned through an independent source, they are not sold to overweight Americans. The Chinese have strict 'parental health' policies.

Or are they afraid of Americans eating Chinese babies and gaining the magical powers of the orient?

Or did Americans misunderstand when they were sold Cheap Chinese Junk?

The LARP Rap

For Rolfe

Michael Jackson's Last Interview

Truly a great man.

Business Advice

If you have old Michale Jackson albums that you have not listened to in years, sell them now! Especially the original vinyl.

As is typical with celebrity, death is the best thing that can happen for an artist's profitability.

Fucking Awesome Site

For all your fucking weather needs...

The Fucking Weather!

From the Land of Sky Blue Waters...

...comes the current hipster beer. Hamm's has taken the title from Pabst. Not that it really matters since Hamm's was purchased by Olympia Brewing Company which merged with Pabst in 1980. They later were acquired by Stroh's who was bought up by Miller that merged with South African Breweries to form SABMiller. You can drink your Hamm's or PBR or Oly and still be guaranteed that same great pissy taste that will give you a hangover and the shits.

The moral of the story? Hipsters still go through a lot of aspirin and toilet paper while still supporting a brewery made wealthy by apartheid. I hope you enjoy drinking black people!

In other Hamm's related news, a couple of friends came for a visit and Krys and I took them to another friend's annual Crawfish Boil party. Lots of crawfish. Lots of beer. At events such as this, I have grown accustomed to people grabbing a bottle of real beer, trying to twist off the cap, then asking around for a bottle opener. Typically I am the only one around with a bottle opener always on me. Before I carried a Swiss Army Knife I kept a bottle opener on my key chain.

My friend grabs a bottle, I start to instinctively reach for my pocket knife, when he grabs his key chain which has a bottle opener on it. Awesome.

We talk about being prepared and always having a bottle opener with you. (My personal opinion is that you should also carry a cork screw just in case.) I check out his bottle opener and discover it looks very much like the one I keep attached to my fridge by magnet.

Later that night we get home, compare, and discover we have two generations of the same bottle opener!



His was a 'going to college' gift from his father. Mine was salvaged from my grandfather's garage.

On the back of his shiny one is stamped: THE BEER REFRESHING

On the back of my tarnished antique it says: AMERICA's REFRESHING BEER

They are both from Hamm's. Neither of us drinks Hamm's.

We are both from the Land of Sky Blue Waters.

Have You Seen Me?

I figured it had to be out there.

What would the now deceased king of pop human freak show have looked like without plastic surgery? With all of the age progression done for missing persons and such, I figured somewhere out there someone had to have applied it to the king of cosmetic modification.

They did.



Michael Jackson Aging

Would he really have gone for the 'stache, though? And a little face lift isn't out of the norm even for minor celebrities.

Imagine that squealing, dancing, and grabbing his crotch.

Another Tragic Death

Completely overshadowed by a certain pop icon's death, we have experienced yet another loss.

The Associated Press: Sky Saxon of '60s rock band the Seeds diesSky Saxon, lead singer and founder of the 1960s band the 'Seeds,' who had a Top 40 hit in 1967 with 'Pushin' Too Hard,' has died after a brief illness.

As influential to psychedelia as he was to punk, he was a real innovator. Therefor never as famous as certain others who have recently passed.

The Death of the Aristocracy

I've been tracking Novelty Theory once again. The resonance of April 15th of this year to the beginning of the American Revolution was less than convincing.

But now, yes now, we have another resonance. This week, particularly the middle of this week, was supposed to resonate with the French Revolution. What do we get? Tragically, the King of Pop, Michael Jackson, has died. Even more tragically, the woman who is probably best remembered for performing action sequences in less than optimal support, Farrah Fawcett, has also passed away. Perhaps most tragic of all, the loyal side kick of Mr. Entertainment himself and the man who every year before state run lotteries were legalized promised to make one lucky person into a millionaire, Ed McMahon died. You might say that this is a far cry from rounding up aristocrats for the guillotine. In the case of Michael Jackson I could argue that it was one of the longest, slowest public executions ever broadcast.

While I wanted to bring up the resonance, I don't want to dwell on these happenings. So here's something to take your mind off things.

Let them eat...