Keeping Your Tanks Afloat

Why would a pirate want big readily sinkable russian tanks?

article marginally related to piracy, just for the sake of the meme

Gotta put my conspiratorial spin on this, since we all know I see conspiracy in everything...

So, what kind of tanks don't sink? Helium tanks, 'cause helium's lighter than water. And where do we find helium? In the LHC!

Clearly, there's a previously unrevealed connection linking french fire fighters to somalian pirates! First, they risked destroying us all by stealing the helium from the LHC (little did you know, helium has natural blackhole-supressing properties)... then they used it to make the T-72's float. Now they have a fleet of armored floating battlestations, to sail right up the rio grande into the American Heartland! There'll be this big battle involving pocket battleships (wow, that's stretching back 10 years and 2 websites ago) and... That that mother fucking slacker beat me to this story! So did both the other mother fucking slackers who've only ever had one haircut their whole adult lives. Fuck all 3 of them! I'm posting anyway.