What to do in the year 2042?

A friend of mine sent me a link to an amusing timeline of the future (at XKCD). It's a window into what the future is "supposed" to be like, as predicted by Google searches starting with "in the year".

So, it's really clear to me what I'm gonna be doing in the years 2050, and 2069. Really no doubt in either of those years.  The less said the better.

But what to do in the year 2042?

2042 has no news! It looks likely to be the only boring year before the 2070s, and if I live to the 2070s, I'll be so damn happy to have made it that far I won't mind boredom. 2042, on the other hand, is something many of us can expect to live to see. If you don't want 2042 to be a let down, you should start thinking ahead now.

So, perhaps as a group, we should brainstorm. What would you like to be doing in the year 2042?

I figure by that time I'll be in recovery at the LEGO addicts halfway house. Most of my money will go to repurchasing my entire music and movie collections in 7th and 5th formats I've felt compelled to buy into. I imagine I'll do something stupid and Hitchhikers themed, just because it is '42. When that gets boring, I may just get around to building the Time Machine I've always wanted, or I may just wimp out yet again and leave the machine project to yet another future self. But beyond that, I don't have any real plans for 2042. My calendar is largely open.

Taxonomic study of the Smaller Lego Troll

I wandered in to Top Ten Toys the other day, and was pleasantly surprised to learn that Lego now makes orks. Or rather, they seem to call them Trolls, for branding and copyright purposes. Suffice it to say, that name struck me as misleading. I tried to figure out what it's genetic ancestry is.

It's got bright green skin and big red eyes, like a Games Workshop "Ork". Oversized lower tusks, too. The two circular "buckles" painted on that torso (see left) feel like they were lifted off the glyph chart in my old 40k Ork Codex.

But it's got the normal human body proportions, making it a bit like a Tolkien-Jackson "Orc". See how it's legs are longer than those of the accompaning Dwarf? The sword is a bit like those of Moria goblins, but the rest of the accoutrement suggests otherwise. Most importantly, T-J Orcs lack discipline, and appear as a mongreloid* mix of statures, features, colorations, and shapes, whereas the Lego "Troll" comes in only two sizes, the smaller of which appears in only one color, with minimal variation or individualization.

The human-length legs also keep it from being a D&D goblin, since they're size small. Neither is it a D&D Orc, since they tend to a more grayish skintone, and are fairly hirsute.

Yet, despite those various differences between this new Legoid species and established breeds of Orks and Goblins, I'm finding within myself great reluctance to accept Legoland's characterization of these as Trolls. There are likewise several breeds of troll, as evidenced by this photo-op with a presidential candidate.

It's not the hulking, lumbering, regenerating, hook-nosed D&D troll. Nor is it the every-bit-as-hulking T-J/LOTR troll, (despite having the same lack of nose). And it clearly doesn't exhibit the neutral fleshtone and ridiculous hair of the variety of troll that is closely related to Kewpie dolls.

Most importantly, this new form of Troll doesn't at all look like other Lego Trolls (see left). The larger "Troll" has a stooped posture, is far taller, sometimes grows horns, and has greater range of coloration variance (appearing in gray and two shades of brown, as well as green). There's also anthropological indicators that suggest these are not the same culture. The smaller "trolls" have mastered metal work, where as the larger "trolls" seem to only work in bone, stone, and leather. (These larger Lego Trolls, by the way, do have rather much in common with the T-J/LotR trolls.)

As such, I am convinced the two Legoid breeds of "Troll" are not indeed interrelated, and that they are merely lumped together by the ignorance perpetuated by Lego Knights, whose kingdom has not a single accredited university and has never produced a peer-reviewed scientific treatise. I shall remain so convinced, at least until such time as lego produces a "Spawning Pool" set that suggests the smaller Troll is a "tadpole" stage that later develops into the larger Troll.

*: Concerning the use of the term "Mongreloid": I don't mean this as an insult, the fact that The Elephant Man can rise to the rank of General in the Mordor army is a testimonial to the inclusivity and warm-hearted nature of orc and goblin culture.

Re: Disney Souvenirs

So, she did in fact bring me a present from California, but it was a good deal. For far less than the amount she'd considered spending on a Samurai Sword, she got me two different swords (one I didn't have), two lances, a battle axe, two shields and a pretty cool-looking flail! It also had two horses, one of which was a necromanticly-enchanted skeletal horse. Talking about it that way, I'm amazed it all fit in her luggage.
Now, I do have one tiny question about Lego Castle set # 7009: The Final Joust. What is lego trying to communicate via this set? I've looked over their website, and I get the distinct opinion that the knights and undead are separate factions, apparently engaged in war with one another. Yet the little railing between the jousters implies this is a festive tournament, not a battle. Is this intended to represent the last social joust before the war started? Has lego assumed kids can't tell contests from battle, renn-fests from warfare? Perhaps their war involves very stratified codes of honor and allows for personal duels between generals to settle entire campaigns with a minimum of collateral damage? I wouldn't expect of of this from undead, but that may just be my own bigoted assumptions about skeletons and necromancers.

Whatever the answer is, I think this little set is pretty cool gift. Far better than Donald Duck's Katana.

Clash of the Lego-Titans

Stumbled across this yesterday, but since it was Talk Like A Pirate Day, it seemed inappropriate to mention it then.

I was looking for a picture of a particular type of longbow, that I needed for an RPG I'm running. And google image-search linked me over to www.brickforge.com. Tres greek-brick-geek. And here, I thought my fun money from this paycheck was going to be spent on Sgt Hetfields Motorbreath Pub Band and some random Seattle-area tourist attractions. Nope. Looks like I'll be getting Legos instead.

I've been a fan of Legos for a long time, but just didn't realize how much I was missing out on. My only experience with Lego-knock-0ffs had been MegaBlocks, which, for the record, suck. They don't stick together without hammering or superglue. The one time I ever bought MegaBlocks it was because I wanted the little soldier dudes in cammo. Their helmets fall off. They can't hold their M-16s. The bodies don't come apart, at least not where they're supposed to. So I'd decided never again to drop money on wanna-be-Legos, just stick to the tried-and-tested real LEGO legos.

Little did I know, there's an entire subculture of Lego Minifig customizers. Curse my ignorance. So, in the hopes of educating my fellow man, here's my preliminary findings from like an hour or two of murdered time...

www.brickforge.com has the greek outfit to the right, also available in black for gothic-achilles fans. They do a variety of historical and fantasy weaponry / armor (real viking helmets!) / accessories for your Lego minifigs (so forget the spear, I'm getting my little greek minime a Falcata!). They also have lego-style cows (with pink udders, even), pigs and sheep.

www.brickarms.com has a ton of modern, historical, and scifi firearms. My Han Solo can finally have a broomhandle mauser instead of the revolver Lego gave him! Brickarms has potato-mashers, PPKs w/ silencers, shotguns, "aliens" pulserifles, even a briefcase with an SMG built into it for spy-fans. It is a little disturbing that they make 5 different Nazi figures and only one U.S. soldier, but maybe that's just so the good guys have more uber-villains to shoot at.

www.minifigcustomizationnetwork.com is a site for people who customize their own figs - not just swapping parts around like we all do, but everything from tracking down weird bits from other manufacturers to sculpting your own pieces. (I'll be diggin' out the Sculpey this weekend...). Thier website seems to be down at the moment, but it was working fine yesterday. From that site you'll find links to other manufacturers, too, but I'm not linking any further here since the other ones either have crappy (i.e.: not Mac-friendly) websites, brazenly violate copyright law, or only make waterslide transfers that you'd need blank lego bodies to use.