Of Dogs and Children

Diving Into Traffic To Avoid Puppies, And Other Tips For Children

Children: they’re cute at first, sure, but they’re also loud, destructive, not very bright and frankly horrible conversationalists. I don’t adopt retarded, violent midgets and invite them into my home for decades at a time, either, and I fail to see the difference in principle.

Hey dumbass! The difference is... Oh wait. You're right. Carry on.

Based on what I’ve noticed since becoming a dog owner, then, I’m convinced that children today are being taught that all dogs, regardless of their size, temperament or breed, are vicious, fanged killing machines who will dive through their chests and feed on their still-beating hearts as soon as look at them.

My dog is a sweetheart with children, but that does seem to describe me.

Once the kids are satisfied that my dog’s not going to kill him, they’ll terrorize him, because—I hope I’ve made this clear by now—children are dim, evil-minded little bastards.

Fun blog post for dog owners who find their love of children can be measured in yards.