Save the Porn!

An American institution is in crisis. And when American institutions are in crisis they do the American thing and ask the federal government for a bailout.

Porn industry seeks federal bailout

Another major American industry is asking for assistance as the global financial crisis continues: Hustler publisher Larry Flynt and Girls Gone Wild CEO Joe Francis said Wednesday they will request that Congress allocate $5 billion for a bailout of the adult entertainment industry.

"The take here is that everyone and their mother want to be bailed out from the banks to the big three," said Owen Moogan, spokesman for Larry Flynt. "The porn industry has been hurt by the downturn like everyone else and they are going to ask for the $5 billion."

So we all know that Larry Flynt is doing what he loves to do and does so well. Right? Right.

So why not bail out the porn industry? It is a huge chunk of the American economy. If the porn industry can't survive these troubled times we'll be forced to get inferior porn from foreign sources or make our own.

Besides, the government is at least partly to blame for the porn industry's predicament. The mandate to end analog television and switch to digital has forced the porn industry to follow suit. With the new digital high definition porn the industry has had to invest in all new equipment. Also make-up and post production costs to cover unsightly blemishes common on real people and shattering the fantasy when viewed in high def is really cutting into the bottom (cough-cough) line (cough) of the adult film industry.

And didn't Larry Flynt do Republicans and the whole world a favor last year when he released his highly political porn Who's Nailin' Paylin?