Flame On

If you're going to light up, there is nothing quite like a Zippo. I acquired my first one at the age of 16 because I was a pyromaniac. The one I currently use I bought with Camel Cash in 1993. I still have that first one and several others. I've seen the imitations. Anyone who has ever owned a Zippo can spot a fake before they even flip the lid. They just don't feel the same in your hand. Junk.

Turns out this should be a very special year for Zippo.

Eternal Flame: Zippo Set To Reach Milestone

Despite the lighter's iconic status, Zippo faces big challenges. The decline in smoking as well as rules about carrying common cigarette lighters onto airplanes — rules that are no longer in effect — have hurt sales. Counterfeiting is also a huge problem.

And because of health and fire-safety concerns, the tradition of holding up a lighter at the end of a rock concert to show appreciation and encourage an encore is no longer practiced.

But Zippo has found a solution for enthusiastic music lovers: They can download a virtual Zippo lighter for their iPhone. As Grandy explained, the application even includes the lighter's iconic sounds: the springy click of the lid opening, the sparking grind of the flint wheel, and the clang of the lid closing. And the flame even moves.

That lighter exists only in cyberspace — but Zippo expects to sell its 500 millionth real lighter by the end of 2009.

Who the fuck wants a virtual Zippo? How are you supposed to light people on fire with that? Come on people. Get yourself a Zippo. I don't care if you smoke or just want to ignite dumpsters full of aborted babies. Zippo lets you do it with style.