But it never snows in Portland, or so we were told. And then we were told that if it does snow, it melts the next day. It never amounts to anything. And now I'm told this only happens every 20 years or so.
LIES! Five years ago we got hit with a storm that shut the city down for several days. This one is bigger and going on a week and a half now. I've had no trouble getting around but decided to use my last remaining vacation day to start my extended holiday weekend a day early so I don't get pulled over for not using snow chains that I don't even need. By my estimations, which have proved to be quite conservative, we have accumulated over a foot of snow with multiple layers of ice in between. That is a lot for a town with almost no snow removal/management equipment since it never snows in Portland*.
On the bright side, every person who waited until this last weekend to do their Christmas shopping royally fucked themselves. Many shops aren't open. The ones that are open are understaffed. Cars are abandoned everywhere. Buses are stuck in snow banks. The MAX commuter rails are suffering from iced up power lines and frozen rail switches. Filling stations are either running out of gas or without power. Tire chains are now required by emergency declaration but the stores don't have enough for everyone who wants them. It is lovely.
* I agree with the city not having snow removal equipment. One big storm that lasts on average one week every ten to twenty years does not justify the tax payer expense for such equipment. Just shack up with your friends and fit four to a bed for a week. Consider it a benefit.
6 comments:
That is just very strange to me. Tire chains required? I have never seen tire chains on MN tires. But then of course we have snow removal equipment. That is just very surreal.
It is illegal to operate a motor vehicle with snow chains on MN streets. Chews up the roads even worse than the salt, plows, and frost heaving combined.
Boy, do I feel your pain. I've lost track of how many people have dared to look me in the eye and insist that it hasn't snowed here in 5 years- I was here last winter and witnessed it for myself! It does so! I've come to refer to this delusional conviction, that it "never snows here", as the "Seattlusion". Apparently, this serious mental illness is pandemic in the PNW. I believe it to be a more serious strain of the same disorder which manifests in the frequent need to proclaim that "it doesn't rain that much here".
PCAE alum and Seattle resident, SRH has suggested that it's merely a grammatical nuance of the region, i.e. that "never-snow" is simply what natives call the physical state of rain when it gets really, really cold. SRH (whose identify is here protected) exercises his rights to freedom of speech & press by offering the brave service of documenting the frequency and severity of "never-snow" for the local populace (among other, safer topics) on his blog, MPL.
In response to the number of cancellations I received from clients who were stranded in their driveway. I've recently proposed a PSA campaign for the existence and use of shovels and ice scrapers for the purpose of moving this frozen precipitation from its present, inconvenient location to another, where it is rendered harmless.
Is this strange beast you speak of a MCAE alum or a PCAE alum?
Forever and always.... a MCAE alum. A rare and special breed.
I graduated from MCAE and spent 8 years working for PCAE and 1 year working for LARPMCAE. And for those who want to feel old, this year's graduating PCAE class was born the same year that Alpha class graduated. The poor bastards are going to start seeing legacy students. And I believe SRH is MCAE scum.
As for the PNW snow illusion, 4 out of the past 5 years it has snowed. Of those 2 lasted at least a week and shut down major portions of the city.
I lived in Seattle last year, and I never saw a flake of snow!
Then again, my building was wrapped in opaque tyvek for over 3 months, so I also saw no rain, no clouds, no sunlight, no trees, nothing but lazy renovators with nothing to do but stare in at me all day.
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