Taxonomic study of the Smaller Lego Troll

I wandered in to Top Ten Toys the other day, and was pleasantly surprised to learn that Lego now makes orks. Or rather, they seem to call them Trolls, for branding and copyright purposes. Suffice it to say, that name struck me as misleading. I tried to figure out what it's genetic ancestry is.

It's got bright green skin and big red eyes, like a Games Workshop "Ork". Oversized lower tusks, too. The two circular "buckles" painted on that torso (see left) feel like they were lifted off the glyph chart in my old 40k Ork Codex.

But it's got the normal human body proportions, making it a bit like a Tolkien-Jackson "Orc". See how it's legs are longer than those of the accompaning Dwarf? The sword is a bit like those of Moria goblins, but the rest of the accoutrement suggests otherwise. Most importantly, T-J Orcs lack discipline, and appear as a mongreloid* mix of statures, features, colorations, and shapes, whereas the Lego "Troll" comes in only two sizes, the smaller of which appears in only one color, with minimal variation or individualization.

The human-length legs also keep it from being a D&D goblin, since they're size small. Neither is it a D&D Orc, since they tend to a more grayish skintone, and are fairly hirsute.

Yet, despite those various differences between this new Legoid species and established breeds of Orks and Goblins, I'm finding within myself great reluctance to accept Legoland's characterization of these as Trolls. There are likewise several breeds of troll, as evidenced by this photo-op with a presidential candidate.

It's not the hulking, lumbering, regenerating, hook-nosed D&D troll. Nor is it the every-bit-as-hulking T-J/LOTR troll, (despite having the same lack of nose). And it clearly doesn't exhibit the neutral fleshtone and ridiculous hair of the variety of troll that is closely related to Kewpie dolls.

Most importantly, this new form of Troll doesn't at all look like other Lego Trolls (see left). The larger "Troll" has a stooped posture, is far taller, sometimes grows horns, and has greater range of coloration variance (appearing in gray and two shades of brown, as well as green). There's also anthropological indicators that suggest these are not the same culture. The smaller "trolls" have mastered metal work, where as the larger "trolls" seem to only work in bone, stone, and leather. (These larger Lego Trolls, by the way, do have rather much in common with the T-J/LotR trolls.)

As such, I am convinced the two Legoid breeds of "Troll" are not indeed interrelated, and that they are merely lumped together by the ignorance perpetuated by Lego Knights, whose kingdom has not a single accredited university and has never produced a peer-reviewed scientific treatise. I shall remain so convinced, at least until such time as lego produces a "Spawning Pool" set that suggests the smaller Troll is a "tadpole" stage that later develops into the larger Troll.

*: Concerning the use of the term "Mongreloid": I don't mean this as an insult, the fact that The Elephant Man can rise to the rank of General in the Mordor army is a testimonial to the inclusivity and warm-hearted nature of orc and goblin culture.