I Like Vikings

Last evening our little family (if anything I am involved in can ever truly be considered little) braved the strong winds and driving drizzle to venture forth and witness Beowulf in all of its I-Max 3D splendor. If you've heard bad reviews from people, they probably forgot that this was a film created for I-Max 3D. Sure you can go see it in a normal theater, but that's about studios wanting the maximum return on their investment, not about honoring the film. For if one remembers that this is an I-Max 3D movie, all is well. When you go to a student film festival you expect to see grainy black and white movies that make little to no sense. When you go to the I-Max and put on the polarized glasses, you want special effects that pop out at you.

Perhaps the reviewers got confused by the script. The writing is good. The characters have personalities, flaws. There is an actual story being told. While the material is a derivative work of an epic poem, the writers have seen fit to take license to great effect. Which can confuse reviewers. When they went to see Transformers all they wanted was to see if the film makers could pull off the integration of these alien robots with live actors. They didn't have to give a damn about script. Beowulf's mistake is that it has a good enough story for them to pick at and big enough writing talent behind it (Neil Gaiman and Roger Avary) that they feel they need to, despite the fact that it is an I-Max 3D movie. Just thought I'd throw that in again.

But I'm biased. I love Vikings. Give me a Viking funeral scene and I'll get a lump in my throat as the ship burns no matter how bad the film is. I can escape into the story line when they show a bunch of hairy guys swilling beer and mead, gnawing meat, groping women, and staring death in the face with a laugh. Because Viking heroes are the real deal. While the Norsemen are now envied for their superior health care and education systems, highways and beach volleyball skills, they were once feared across the globe. When the Vikings came to town you never knew if they were there as friendly traders intent on drinking all of your booze and raping the women or if they wanted to do something far, far worse. I like Vikings, Viking themed movies, Viking themed books and even a lot of Viking themed music. I do not like Viking themed sports teams, except for the Portland State Vikings, as long as I don't have to watch any of their games. Though I do find it interesting that University athletics in Portland consists of Vikings and Beavers. Now there are two things that go well together.

Which reminds me... Several reviewers mentioned the rendering of Angelina Jolie dipped in gold and naked as a highlight of the film. I'd call it a necessary footnote. If you get off on seeing 3D renderings of gals with no nipples or genitalia, you were at the wrong theater. Go to the porno theater and sit through a few hours of the real deal. I wouldn't have jacked off to that scene when I was in junior high, and that's saying something.

So all you Scandinavians out there should go see Beowulf. Sneak some booze and a sword into the theater with you. Get loud, get proud, and threaten anyone who tries to tell you it was a bad movie. It is what it is and it does that really damn well.