Thursday, June 11, 2009

Leveling Up

WHO upgrades the Swine Flu to a Level 6 Pandemic amid reports that the UK is inaccurately reporting the number of British cases. Panicked crowds in Argentina stone a bus that was rumored to have an infected person aboard. A doctor in Texas says swine flu cases number at least ten times the official numbers. Right Wing blogs say that the Level 6 status will trigger the Force Majeure clauses of business contracts and put the final nail in the ecoffinomy.

WHO chief Dr. Margaret Chan made the announcement Thursday after the U.N. agency held an emergency meeting with flu experts. Chan said she was moving to phase 6 — the agency's highest alert level — which means a pandemic, or global epidemic, is under way.

"The world is moving into the early days of its first influenza pandemic in the 21st century," Chan told reporters. "The virus is now unstoppable."

Emphasis mine. Man, what an unfortunate sentence. Somebody's losing a job over that one. Or, we're all gonna die. I'm not sure which.

I was going to rant on conspiratorially, but plenty of other folks have already done it for me. Take a moment to read this exchange at yahoo answers, where it's all a plot to sell shares in Tamiflu or prevent us from going to the movies. They even mention zombies. Or this website alleging the Flu is being spread intentionally to justify the NWO's take-over. Other folks have already made the bizarre connections I was going to. Mexico is kinda close to Dulce Base, so I'm sure someone's suggested the Intergalactic Warfare angle already.

Reading over those links and pages, I'm left with just one angle that hasn't been proposed: "Swine Flu Eats Shoe Walrus Polka Orthagonal!" I'm relatively confident no one's said that yet. But I wouldn't bet money on it though, since I included a verb.

Man, I liked the good old days, when the alarming world-shattering thing that made the cover of every newspaper, magazine, and website was just the freakin' Octomom.

2 comments:

Brad said...

I have my chainsaw arm, armored bus and underground bunker ready to go! Bring it on. No shit... wait... I don't. I have work to do. Type at ya later!

SiderisAnon said...

Makes me glad I collect sharp and pointy objects, just in case the flu zombies really do show up. My blades won't run out of ammo.

Probably won't happen though. So far, the swine flu has killed only a tiny, ittybitty fraction of the number of people who die from some kind of flue every year. It's just that this is a single wide-spread strain, as opposed to the normal multitude of different strains running around.

The people who supply health care products and flue shots will sure make out like bandits with this press though. Maybe it'll jumpstart their economy.