Extra! Extra! Denver Nuked By Boulder!

WTF? Watch this STUPID ad encouraging America to invade Iran:


I'm sorry, but "imagine Boulder shooting missiles at Denver" just isn't a good analogy. It'd be more like if Boulder sold missiles to radicals living within the Clement's Addition Historic District, who then used them on the rest of Denver. So, there's a chance that Boulder might develop an A-bomb... given that scenario, should Denver drop it's A-bomb on Boulder? Of course not, since an A-bomb in either city means radioactive fallout on the other.

To explore the analogy further, we'd have to add in another city - a city that sold Boulder the missiles in the first place, all through the 80's, and helped Boulder develop the technology to build it's own missiles. We'll call that city (just picking a city name at random, I swear...) Washington DC. So, Washington DC sells missiles and technology to Boulder, Boulder sells missiles to some jerks in the Clement's Addition Historic District, and those bastards in Clement's launch those missiles into Cherry Creek. Later, Boulder tries to build an A-bomb. Washington DC and Denver already have A-bombs. In the name of preserving Cherry Creek, should Washington DC drop it's A-bomb on Boulder?

Sorry, that cluttered the analogy too much... After all, Washington DC is in the same country as Denver and Boulder, and we all know the government would never target its own people *cough* *cough* *9/11 was an inside job* *cough* ... so let's clear up the analogy by using a different city... everyone always tells me that they hate the French. I don't, but it's been a long time since I caved to peer pressure, so I'm about due...

(Poor French - I love you, fryguys!)

So, let's say Paris traded missiles to Boulder in the 80s in exchange for hostages in an illegal violation of whatever the French equivalent of the Logan Act is so that some guy name duReagan could get elected mayor of Paris. (You still following my subtle metaphor? Good.) Mayor duReagan traded those missiles knowing full well that some number of them would end up in the hands of Clement's Addition Historic District extremists who would use them to attack Cherry Creek. He did all this despite the fact that Denver was a sister-city of Paris. What can I say? Mayor duReagan is one of those "let them eat cake" sorta guys.

20 years later, should Paris nuke Boulder? No - Boulder hasn't done anything that Paris wasn't knowingly complicit in. Paris should nuke no one! (or maybe just nuke itself)

You can't save Denver by nuking Boulder. Anyone who thinks otherwise is a sick hypocritical fuck named duBush.

You can't save Denver by invading Boulder, either - that'll just get a bunch of Parisians killed on top of all the dead Denverites. Even if Denver does the invading, it's doomed to fail - if they can't keep the peace in Clement's, they can't expect to do any better down the road in Boulder. The only reasonable solution is for Denver to get the hell out of the Clement's Addition Historic District and let that damn neighborhood run itself.

While they're at it, Denver ought to pay for some lovely neighborhood restoration and renovation projects as they leave. Maybe the folks in Clement's will be more inclined to overlook the fact that Cherry Creek pushed them around for the last couple decades if you build them a park, a shopping center, and a football stadium.