3 Reasons to Welcome a Kick to the Head

I am going to take a wild stab at describing the author of this article.

She probably lives in a suburb and has kids that play soccer. Her degree probably isn't up there with the Ivy League nor down with the typical state schools. She grew up with just enough privilege to not realize she was privileged. In the last five years her husband thought about her once while masturbating and only because he heard the front door.

Some of those are extremely mean spirited. It doesn't matter. She is still clueless for publishing this article, especially with this headline.

3 Reasons to Welcome a Recession

Recession. It's a word that strikes fear into the heart of chief executives, economists, and everyday Americans alike.

And for good reason -- recessions bring job losses, falling stock prices, and general economic gloom and doom. But while almost no one is enthusiastic about the thought of a recession knocking on the front door, there are a few good aspects of these periodic downturns.

I read your reasons. None of them justify in the least having a welcoming attitude towards a major economic downturn. I maintain that telling people to "Welcome a Recession" is a double hitch super tanker full of certified grade A pig shit. It's like fat people welcoming diabetes because now they'll be forced to watch their weight, but eventually they give up and just try to shoot more insulin to compensate. Or welcoming a nuclear air strike because your microwave went out last week.

Maybe it's a product of growing up around people who lived through the Great Depression. I had an uncle who had been a well to do farmer and lost it all when the bank went under. My grandfather rode the rails up and down the country looking for work, sneaking into rat infested granaries to sleep for the night. I'm sure he would have been greatly comforted in those days had someone simply told him that this Great Depression was necessary to correct economic imbalances,that you can now pick up great stocks for cheap, and that the whole thing would constitute only a minor portion of his overall life even though it totally sucked ass at that very moment.

To the author, Ms. Amanda B. Kish, I submit to you 3 reasons to welcome a kick to the head.

1. A Kick to the Head helps reposition teeth that may have become misaligned. While this may require a trip to the dentist afterwards, you might not have known that the problem existed without the aid of a boot inserted orally at rapid speed.
2. Hair loss resulting from that patch they have to shave to give you stitches is a wonderful opportunity to try out a spunky new summer do. Or perhaps this is the time to shave off all of your hair and get that full scalp tattoo you've always wanted.
3. It won't last forever. The actual kicking will be over before you know it. The ringing in your ears will eventually quiet. And then you can turn around and say, "Thank you sir, can I have another?"