Top Story: Chicken roosts on McCain's penis

From the New York Times:

Q: “So no contraception, no counseling on contraception. Just abstinence. Do you think contraceptives help stop the spread of HIV?”

Mr. McCain: (Long pause) “You’ve stumped me.”

Q: “I mean, I think you’d probably agree it probably does help stop it?”

Mr. McCain: (Laughs) “Are we on the Straight Talk express? I’m not informed enough on it. Let me find out."

McCain then proceeded to fetch a condom from his press secretary, and fuck (right there on national TV!) the most disease-ridden skank he could find in northern Iowa. We're still waiting on the results of the post-skank/coital blood tests. Or I made that part up.

Seriously, though, I'm trying to think what it would require to honestly not know whether or not condoms stop the spread of STDs - pretty much no TV since the mid 90's, I think. Very selective taste in movies. No "men's" magazines. No internet. Limited visitation of public restrooms in downtown metropolitan areas. Limited conversations with anyone single and/or aged 16-35. It must be hard to be McCain.

His next few sentences in Iowa were even more revealing:

McCain: "You know, I’m sure I’ve taken a position on it on the past. I have to find out what my position was. Brian, would you find out what my position is on contraception – I’m sure I’m opposed to government spending on it, I’m sure I support the president’s policies on it.”

Q: “But you would agree that condoms do stop the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. Would you say: ‘No, we’re not going to distribute them,’ knowing that?”

Mr. McCain: (Twelve-second pause) “Get me Coburn’s thing, ask Weaver to get me Coburn’s paper that he just gave me in the last couple of days. I’ve never gotten into these issues before.”

It's kinda fun watching the chickens come home to roost. Repubs did such a good job labeling Kerry a "flip-flopper", as if changing your mind or admitting you were wrong were a bad thing. In my experience, all human beings fuck up at some point. Even buddha had to reach enlightenment.

Here, McCain says roughly: "I don't know what my opinion is. Can someone please fetch me my notes so that I can see how I voted on this in the past?" As if his position in the past is more important than his opinion in the here and now. As if he were so afraid of being labeled a "flip-flopper" that he were unwilling to ever change his opinion, even about something that carried so little emotional weight that he couldn't remember his opinion. Maybe if he and his didn't work so hard building that coop, they wouldn't be roosting on him now.

There used to be a time, a few years back, where I liked McCain. At the time, I felt that, of all the potential Repub presidents, he was the least offensive, and the least slippery. Now, I just don't know about McCain anymore - if he still holds either of those two titles, it's only because his brothers-in-arms have grown ever more repugnant over time. Reading the transcript of this little dance around the issue, I see that McCain is less truthful and stalwart than I'd believed.

Once, he held much the same "Integrity" territory that Dole did - but with less of the "ass-backwards social agenda" mystique. I voted for Clinton, not against Dole. I wasn't worried that Dole would commit crimes in office or conceal truths the American people needed to know, I just didn't like his social and economic policies. Say what you will about tax breaks for the rich, it doesn't change the fact that the man made a damn fine glass of orange juice.*

This went on for a few more moments until a reporter from the Chicago Tribune broke in and asked Mr. McCain about the weight of a pig that he saw at the Iowa State Fair last year.

Thank god for the Chicago Tribune, asking those hard-hitting pig/fair questions that matter to a "Inland North" former midwesterner like myself. I should get a subscription - I hear it comes with a free six-pack of Hamm's.