Wednesday, February 6, 2008

AWPC: Shilling for the Kids

As a kid I shilled for 4H, FFA, choir, sports, the local dairy cooperative, and fuck knows what all else I've forgotten about. I don't envy those who get stuck with the task. What is the point of selling stuff that costs way too much for what I know from my own experience is always junk? Luckily my own experiences have made me impervious to the pitch.
Her: Jake! You're the only maintenance guy I haven't talked to yet. My son is having a fund raiser for his school. Do you like cookies?

Jake: No.

Her: Alright. How about pastries?

Jake: Nope.

Her: On this page we have some prepared food items...

Jake: You're talking to the wrong guy. But since you're here, could I interest you in a campaign button?

Her: Campaign for what?

Jake: My Presidential campaign. I'm selling buttons.

Other Maintenance Guy: Yeah. Jake's running for President.

Her: Okay. I'll buy a button if you buy something from me.

Jake: Great! Let's just figure out equal dollar amounts so it's an even trade.

Her: That's going to be an expensive button.

Jake: The buttons are only two bucks each. You'll just have to buy a lot of them.

Her: I can't. I just spent forty bucks on this stuff.

Jake: And I spent forty dollars on buttons.
Every other maintenance guy got suckered. I suppose it also helps that I don't give a rat's ass about kids.

Oh, and I'm still selling buttons for my campaign.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Those things they get kids (the parents) to sell are all shit anyway. They are usually small portioned over priced tasteless shit that the kids organization on gets .0000005% of the sales from anyway. But they do get that nifty kazoo coating in lead paint from China for their efforts!

List with Laszlo said...

Everytime my kids come home from school with trinkets to sell or magazines for the school I throw the paperwork away. I tell them I won't let them be pimped by the school. When they go, "But I can get this prize!" I let them know it's crap. Then they usually say, "But our teacher said we need to raise money or the school won't have X." To which I say, "I pay taxes! I don't see the teachers out pouding on doors selling magazines to "save the school."

I'm OK with Girl Scout cookies. At least the money goes to a good cause I can see. Not to mention I love Thin Mints!

X said...

The school won't have X?

Every school should have X.

rbbergstrom said...

So that's how you got past the admissions board? Bribery / cookies. I'm thinking of going back to school, maybe I'll have to try that.

X said...

Umm... Rolfe, to whom are you talking?

If I recall correctly, you and Brad were in Visual, which actually required some raw talent for admission. Jake and I were in Drama, which held no such illusions.

rbbergstrom said...

Not sure about that. I know someone who applied to Drama, and didn't make it into the school. I've never met anyone who could say the same about Visual.

X said...

Hmmm... Then they must've gotten their application mixed up with mine, 'cause I can't act my way out of a wet paper bag.