Boots: A Sign of the Times

There are women in this world who are fascinated with shoes. If allowed to by their financial situation they would spend hundreds of dollars a week on shoes. Most men seem to think these women are nuts. But I suffer from a similar affliction when it comes to footwear. I love boots!

So many different kinds of really awesome boots exist in this world. Given unlimited resources I would buy loads and loads of them. Probably. And once I had exhausted all of the boots I wanted to buy off the shelf (maybe even before) I would have custom boots made just for me. Boots are just that cool to me.

I'm also practical if not a bit stingy. So I only own four pairs of boots right now. Five if you count my surfing booties which have some of the coolness I look for in my boots so I guess they count. So I only have five pairs of boots right now. Six if you count the pair that are sitting by the back door waiting to go in the garbage can.

Those boots by the garbage can are the real crux of the deal. They are an old pair of Army speed lace boots I picked up for free off of a former serviceman. The soles are thin and rounded. The sidewalls are about to break through. All cushion and support has gone out of them. Last week I broke one shoelace and noticed that the other was about to go. Buying new shoelaces would have been akin to putting a diabetic centenarian cancer patient in a coma on life support. There comes a time when you just have to let go.

What I really needed was a pair of work boots. Aside from a comfortable fit (essential) I only had three criteria.

1. Steel Toe
2. Oil/Slip Resistant Sole
3. Made in the USA

All of the boots at Sears (where I had a gift card I could have applied towards the purchase) couldn't match all three criteria, so I didn't even try them on. By the way, finding the proper sole is the easiest part.

Next up was Coastal Farm and Ranch. Surely a place as redneck as this would have what I needed. Those folks don't plaster their trucks with Chinese made American flag stickers for nothing, right? Even Danner, which touts loud and proud that it is a Portland, Oregon company, could not match my needs. Made in the USA or steel toe, one or the other but not both. Was I on a wild hunt for something that no longer existed? I tried on a few pairs just to see. One pair did not feel like someone had strapped boxes to my feet. No wonder most people choose to wear (Chinese made) sneakers. These boots sucked! The one pair that felt decent looked so horrendous that an image conscious aging punk like myself could never allow such a monstrosity into my collection. I just wanted to see how that particular brand fit.

I ended up at the Red Wing store. I had initially stayed away from it to boycott that they no longer made all of their footwear in the USA. That is how I ended up looking inside of every pair of shoes I tried on at the store just to be certain. I did walk out with something that met all of my criteria.

We as a nation are so fucked. How many people are going to be diligent enough to check the label inside of every pair of boots they buy? How many even care that they are tanking their own economy? We're fucked. Seriously. American manufacturing is gone, those jobs are gone, those sources of revenue are gone, any hope of a bright and shiny future for the average working stiff is gone. It won't belong where the only American made option will be to hire a cobbler. Unfortunately the only remaining shoe cobbler I knew passed away last year. America, you not only fucked yourself over, you bent over and asked for it. You begged for more of it and always cheaper, cheaper, cheaper. You sold our pride to China for plastic flags to put on your SUV. Now I have on what may be the last pair of American made work boots I may ever be able to buy. When they wear out I'll have to move to Wisconsin and start skinning Americans to make my own boots from. And I'll use your teeth for traction on the soles. Fuckers.

No offense meant to the average Chinese worker. They're getting screwed even worse than you fuckers are screwing yourselves. Maybe I should sell them some of my new Soylent Boots... cheap like what they're made of.