Bush: 'This government does not torture'

President Bush on Friday defended his administration's methods of interrogating terrorism suspects, insisting, 'This government does not torture people.'

Because involuntary BDSM is not the same thing at all, at all.

Bush said his administration sticks to "U.S. law and our international obligations."

He said, "The techniques that we use have been fully disclosed to appropriate members of the United States Congress."

Wait. How did Clinton get the moniker 'Slick'? That was slicker than Exxon Valdez. Slicker than snake oil. But we already used up that name on the previous guy. If we just would have held out.

It's for the best. That way a Slick Bush can still be a pleasant thought. (NSFW)