High Speed Porn: An Amazing Discovery

After a post made here not too long ago, I felt the need to do some research. So I checked around and found some Israeli porn. Since I don't speak Hebrew, the plot was lost on me. With many films, even pornos, you can pick up on the storyline without understanding the language. Yes, pornos sometimes have plots. If this one did, I think it involved some naughty police officers. Cliché, but what do you expect from low budget porn?

The gals were nice looking. No complaints there. One of them even had a small tattoo. Rebel Jew girl! The guys were pretty unremarkable even in the one area that guys who star in pornos are usually remarkable in. The Nazis used to spread propaganda around Germany about 'big dicked Jews' to make the German men fear and hate them and what they might be doing to German women. Israel has delivered yet another crushing blow to the Nazis. And all of my male Jewish friends were more attractive. But that's another porn standard. Your typical audience is male. The theory is they'll enjoy it more if they can imagine themselves as having sex with the starlets. Use some dumpier looking guys and at least a portion of the audience will feel like they've got a shot.

Then there were the sex scenes. Wow! I have to state that again. Wow! I haven't seen porn that boring in a long time. Across all budget spectrums and from pro to amateur, it was just plain boring. That's bad film making.

So I tried watching it while holding down the fast forward button. That is when I made the amazing discovery. The sped up sound reminded me of watching a nature show with a bunch of excited monkeys. Yes, Hebrew porn at high speeds sounded like screeching monkeys. So I cross checked it with others in my collection, playing each of them at high speed. I found a clip of a Bulgarian gal masturbating that came close to replicating the excited primate sounds I heard on the Israeli porn, but only when she climaxed. German porn sounded like little kids at a playground. American porn just sounded fast. The Australian gals sounded like asthmatic kittens. The French came off like Alvin and the Chipmunks (Alvin!). But a clip I have where a woman is using a Sybian also produced the monkey screams.

But even if she is biting into a shoulder like a chimpanzee, he's pounding his chest like an orangutan, and everyone is screaming like macaques, evolution is a hoax.