Juxtapositioning of News and Bodies (NSFW-ish)

Okay folks, let's compare stories.

First, the news.

Matt Virtue, who works as a consultant at a Washington law firm, says he spends more than $10,000 a year to attend conventions, hotels and clubs where he and his girlfriend can have sex with other partners.

"We're talking about a lifestyle, but in reality we are also talking about a business," Robert McGinley, 73, the president of Lifestyles Organization, said during its annual convention in Las Vegas, which attracts about 900 couples.

Lifestyles Organization caters to a middle-class demographic who want to meet like-minded couples and who typically want to hide their passions from what they call "vanillas" (conventional couples).

Now let's take a look at the truth.

"Aphrodite's Fantasy '99," a no-holds-barred, free-for-all orgy intended by organizers to be "a week-long carnal smorgasbord of wild, untamed sexual abandon and untold pleasures of the flesh," fell far short of its goal due to the exclusively middle-aged, overweight status of its participants, sources reported Monday.

The orgy, hosted by the 175-member, Omaha-based Cornhusker Couples' Connection Club, involved the rental of two of the motel's three floors and drew nearly four dozen couples from across Nebraska.

Unfortunately, none of them even remotely resembled the sort of person with whom one would fantasize about having sex.

"My Margaret and I look forward to this trip each year," said Karl Gustafson, 51, a semi-retired auto-insurance adjuster from Falls City who enjoys barbecues, Yahtzee and golf. "She's a dom into hot bi three-ways, and I enjoy getting [a form of anal/oral gratification] while strapped to a table in a rubber suit."

"My husband Eric and I thought this would be a good way to spice up our marriage a bit, because things have been rocky in that department ever since the baby was born," said a towel-clad Janet MacAlester, 29, standing amid 15 or 20 naked, lovemaking fiftysomethings while glancing around for a chance to bolt for the door. "Most of these people look like they came from some sort of church bazaar my parents would go to. I mean, some of them even brought a dish to pass."

In this mad, mad world there is at least one man who still understands that sex is for the creation of children within the sanctity and confines of marriage.

A one-legged Emirati father of 78 is lining up his next two wives in a bid to reach his target of 100 children by 2015, Emirates Today reported on Monday.

Daad Mohammed Murad Abdul Rahman, 60, has already had 15 brides although he has to divorce them as he goes along to remain within the legal limit of four wives at a time.