Save the Bees

Is it possible that mobile phones do more than make me irritable in public places?

(Scientists) are putting forward the theory that radiation given off by mobile phones and other hi-tech gadgets is a possible answer to one of the more bizarre mysteries ever to happen in the natural world - the abrupt disappearance of the bees that pollinate crops. Late last week, some bee-keepers claimed that the phenomenon - which started in the US, then spread to continental Europe - was beginning to hit Britain as well.

The theory is that radiation from mobile phones interferes with bees' navigation systems, preventing the famously homeloving species from finding their way back to their hives. Improbable as it may seem, there is now evidence to back this up.

If it turns out that this theory is right, I'm going to hunt and kill all you cell phone users. Sure we can train people to polinate using brushes and employ almost the entire world in a desperate attempt to preserve our own lives, but what is the point without honey for mead making?

Cell phones being behind this is just wishful thinking on my part. I really want an excuse to decapitate you in line at the coffee shop. Here is an alternative explanation.

A mysterious decimation of bee populations has German beekeepers worried, while a similar phenomenon in the United States is gradually assuming catastrophic proportions. The consequences for agriculture and the economy could be enormous...

The problem, says Haefeker, has a number of causes, one being the varroa mite, introduced from Asia, and another is the widespread practice in agriculture of spraying wildflowers with herbicides and practicing monoculture. Another possible cause, according to Haefeker, is the controversial and growing use of genetic engineering in agriculture.

And to make things even more interesting, let's throw in a story from another region of the world, Taiwan.

Taiwan's bee farmers are feeling the sting of lost business and possible crop danger after millions of the honey-making, plant-pollinating insects vanished during volatile weather, media and experts said on Thursday.

Over the past two months, farmers in three parts of Taiwan have reported most of their bees gone, the Chinese-language United Daily News reported. Taiwan's TVBS television station said about 10 million bees had vanished in Taiwan.

A beekeeper on Taiwan's northeastern coast reported 6 million insects missing "for no reason", and one in the south said 80 of his 200 bee boxes had been emptied, the paper said.

So is the disappearance of a bunch of honey bees really that serious? To quote Albert Einstein (who most people will agree was a pretty smart guy):

If the bee disappeared off the surface of the globe then man would only have four years of life left. No more bees, no more pollination, no more plants, no more animals, no more man.

There you have it. If all goes well we won't all die. Perhaps life is sweeter than we thought.