Prince William Fells Prince Willem-Alexander Of The Netherlands In Crucial Joust

I love The Onion.

'Hear me, O Britain!' exclaimed His Royal Highness, whose voice was heard to peal forth from the lists as thunder from great mountain-height, ringing in every corner of that green and pleasant land, as well as on BBC Two and internationally on ESPN, garnering a nod of approval from the Queen, who gazed on regally from the royal box. 'This man hath proven himself worthy of our mercy. For to fall in joust before the Crown Prince of England—the very herald of God on Earth—is no shame; nor would I call foeman any prince who hath the strength to acknowledge Jesus as his Saviour and to hold inflation to a stunningly low 1.3 percent. Therefore I spare his life, and call my noble cousin mere cousin no more, but brother, in hopes our fair nations may find brotherhood indeed.'

All so-called 'real' news would sound just as silly if written in this style. And imagine if back in the late 1980's a certain son had failed to show up for a joust against Uday, thus shaming our nation. Would it have been as forgivable as skipping out on National Guard duty? Or would we have demanded new and powerful leadership to smite our enemies who, being naughty in the eyes of God, shall snuff it.